I woke up this morning to an email account I could no longer access. So I tried to reset it by having it send an email to my backup email address. Only to find myself locked out of the backup as well. Luckily I was able to get tech support to help me unlock the secondary email and get access to the reset email from my primary email address. The fallout from this 40 minute project is as follows:
Creating a new email address
Informing all my contacts of my new email address
3 1/2 hours resetting passwords on all of my accounts
Changing my email address on all of my accounts
Severe frustration on my part and a desire to strangle the person responsible
So now I have created a new email account. But I still want to know why someone would bother to hack into my email and change my password. What possible purpose could that serve? How can it be fun to cause someone so much inconvenience and frustration? And perhaps the best question of all...what kind of society do we live in where people think it's OK to treat other people this way?
Hopefully this will be the last of the drama associated with this and the switch will be finalized ASAP! Way to waste my morning though.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Friday, July 22, 2011
Scary movies
Many years ago (or a few, depending on your perspective) I enjoyed scary movies. I don't know why. Looking back I can't see what the appeal was. Maybe they were sillier and easier to laugh off when I was younger?
Honestly I think some of it had to do with the depression I struggled with during my late teens and early 20's. I was in such a dark place that maybe the darkness on the screen was just par for the course. I think my devaluation of my self and everyone else around me, of the whole human experience really, made me sort of indifferent to the very graphic depictions of pain and suffering on the screen.
I can't watch those kinds of movies anymore. Time was something like Final Destination was just a good laugh. Now the idea of watching those pretty young actors be dismembered, maimed, eviscerated, and mutilated just hurts something inside of me.
Don't get me wrong. I still enjoy a good thriller or suspense. But slasher movies and their red-headed step-children, the torture porn, I can't do those anymore. The callous disregard for life and the apparent pleasure some people take in watching them die screaming in horrible pain upsets me in a way that I can't describe.
It disturbs me so much that if I watch one I end up having nightmares for weeks.
So I'm not sure what happened. If maybe the lightening of my inner world made it impossible for me to handle the intentional darkness of a scary movie, or maybe having kids made me see their faces on all those screaming actors. I'm not sure, but I don't think I'll miss them. Life is too beautiful and amazing to spend it intentionally looking for the darkness.
Honestly I think some of it had to do with the depression I struggled with during my late teens and early 20's. I was in such a dark place that maybe the darkness on the screen was just par for the course. I think my devaluation of my self and everyone else around me, of the whole human experience really, made me sort of indifferent to the very graphic depictions of pain and suffering on the screen.
I can't watch those kinds of movies anymore. Time was something like Final Destination was just a good laugh. Now the idea of watching those pretty young actors be dismembered, maimed, eviscerated, and mutilated just hurts something inside of me.
Don't get me wrong. I still enjoy a good thriller or suspense. But slasher movies and their red-headed step-children, the torture porn, I can't do those anymore. The callous disregard for life and the apparent pleasure some people take in watching them die screaming in horrible pain upsets me in a way that I can't describe.
It disturbs me so much that if I watch one I end up having nightmares for weeks.
So I'm not sure what happened. If maybe the lightening of my inner world made it impossible for me to handle the intentional darkness of a scary movie, or maybe having kids made me see their faces on all those screaming actors. I'm not sure, but I don't think I'll miss them. Life is too beautiful and amazing to spend it intentionally looking for the darkness.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Onions and Garlic
It's amazing how much can change over the course of a couple of years. I'll explain.
Two years ago I hated to cook. I hated the mess, I hated the clean-up and I wasn't very good at it. Well, I was passable, and certainly better at it than some people I could name. I wasn't as good as I am now.
Two years ago I could make a limited repertoire of dishes and I was hesitant to try new ingredients and flavors. However, budget dictated that I learn to make the things I love to eat because we couldn't really afford to go out for them all the time. So I started expanding.
I learned to make stir fry, braises, stews, roasts, curry, seafood, and steak. I learned to use all the different pans in my kitchen, and I learned the uses for all the many kitchen gadgets out there. (I still need some more of those. I'm addicted to kitchen stuff!)
Of course I'm still learning. There are things I'm afraid to do, like pastry. But I'm working on it. I made an absolutely incredible cake for my mom's birthday. It was outstanding. But I had ideas for how I could make it even better and I actually want to try! If I want something specific for dinner I find a recipe and go to work. I am not intimidated by my kitchen anymore.
So this morning when I went in there to prep chili for the crock pot and one of the first things I had to do was chop onion and garlic and then cook until fragrant, I not only felt comfortable, I felt happy. Onion and garlic cooking is one of my favorite smells. I enjoyed what I was doing and I am looking forward to eating it for dinner later after it has cooked for 7 hours and gotten even more delicious.
I love sharing what I'm cooking, and I love cooking for other people. I love watching cooking shows to get ideas and learn new techniques. I am slowly becoming a "foodie." But no matter how good I get and how fancy the food gets, I will always love the humble smell of onions and garlic cooking. It is the base on which all my other skills have been built. So many thanks to onion and garlic for all they have done for me and my family. You are forever appreciated!
Two years ago I hated to cook. I hated the mess, I hated the clean-up and I wasn't very good at it. Well, I was passable, and certainly better at it than some people I could name. I wasn't as good as I am now.
Two years ago I could make a limited repertoire of dishes and I was hesitant to try new ingredients and flavors. However, budget dictated that I learn to make the things I love to eat because we couldn't really afford to go out for them all the time. So I started expanding.
I learned to make stir fry, braises, stews, roasts, curry, seafood, and steak. I learned to use all the different pans in my kitchen, and I learned the uses for all the many kitchen gadgets out there. (I still need some more of those. I'm addicted to kitchen stuff!)
Of course I'm still learning. There are things I'm afraid to do, like pastry. But I'm working on it. I made an absolutely incredible cake for my mom's birthday. It was outstanding. But I had ideas for how I could make it even better and I actually want to try! If I want something specific for dinner I find a recipe and go to work. I am not intimidated by my kitchen anymore.
So this morning when I went in there to prep chili for the crock pot and one of the first things I had to do was chop onion and garlic and then cook until fragrant, I not only felt comfortable, I felt happy. Onion and garlic cooking is one of my favorite smells. I enjoyed what I was doing and I am looking forward to eating it for dinner later after it has cooked for 7 hours and gotten even more delicious.
I love sharing what I'm cooking, and I love cooking for other people. I love watching cooking shows to get ideas and learn new techniques. I am slowly becoming a "foodie." But no matter how good I get and how fancy the food gets, I will always love the humble smell of onions and garlic cooking. It is the base on which all my other skills have been built. So many thanks to onion and garlic for all they have done for me and my family. You are forever appreciated!
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
My To-Do List
Every night I think of all the things I want to get accomplished the following day. Then I wake up in the morning and I accomplish maybe two of them. I used to accomplish more but somehow my time seems to just get away from me. Maybe it's all the facebooking. Maybe it's the two kids who never seem to be able to go longer than 10 or so minutes without needing something from me. Either way. I never seem to get much done. But tonight, as usual I am thinking about all the things I want to get done tomorrow. Here they are, in order of importance:
- Clean the kitchen
- Make carrots into baby food
- Pick up the living room
- Put Brian's clothes into a suitcase for his camping trip next week
- Keep Brian out of the food he's taking with him for his camping trip next week
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
RIP Spot-nik
Our family lost a member this week. Spot came to us around 16 years ago. She was part of a litter of kittens that our neighbors cat had and I got to pick one. I can't remember now what it was about her that I liked, but I think she was the prettiest of the bunch. I remember that she was eating and I took her from her mom, and I'm not sure she ever forgave me. She was a feisty thing in her youth, probably also courtesy of yours truly. I used to like to play "zoo" with her and an overturned laundry basket. She made an excellent lion. She was particular about who she liked and didn't. If she didn't and you tried to pet her, well...you might have lost a finger, or a limb. I fondly recall a story in which I was attempting to do laundry and she had fallen asleep in the dryer on a pile of clothes. Which needed to be moved so I could put another load in. And she tried to take my arm off. So I threatened to turn on the dryer.
She was also an extraordinarily tough beastie. We thought we'd lost her once when she'd been gone for four days. But home she came, limping, but home. That leg wasn't ever really the same ever again. Once she came home and she'd obviously been bitten by a snake. But she slept it off. For one of her litters of kittens she brought home a bunny for them to practice hunting on. That was less than fun. She was an excellent hunter though and our house was never without a dead mouse or two while she was young.
She mellowed much in her old age, allowing strangers to pet her and would actually deign to share your lap on occasion. And finally she passed, in the garden, which is where she would have wanted to go.
RIP Spot...you will be missed!
An "innie" and proud of it!
I am an introvert. As far as I know, I always have been. Nothing "happened" to me to make me this way, I just came like this. And I'm good with that.
As an introvert, I don't depend on the outside world for contentment. I don't need to be out there to be happy. In fact, I'm pretty dang happy just hanging out in my own head. It's kind of exciting in here. I have lots of thoughts, I crack myself up, I ponder the mysteries of the universe.
That's not to say I don't like people. I do. I just don't like a lot of people all at once. And if I don't know them, then I like it less. I don't mind meeting new people, but one at a time is good for me. And you have to be pretty interesting for me to decide I want to actually get to know you. I'm pretty selective.
There's a good reason for that though. Even if I know you, and you're lucky enough to call yourself my friend (and you should count yourself lucky, I'm awesome), it still uses a lot of my energy to spend time with you. So if I'm going to spend the energy, you better be worth it.
Now I love humanity as a whole. I think people have lots of potential and can do some wonderful and amazing things. I just don't want the whole of humanity beating down my door. I love from a distance.
I've had a lot of people tell me that if I just went out more, or spent time with people, or whatever, more often then I would learn to be an extrovert. I'm here to tell ya, that's not happening. I am a dyed in the wool introvert and proud of it. There's nothing wrong with that. It just means I relate to the world in a slightly different way from most of the rest of you. So you all go on, have fun, live it up. I'll be watching from over here.
As an introvert, I don't depend on the outside world for contentment. I don't need to be out there to be happy. In fact, I'm pretty dang happy just hanging out in my own head. It's kind of exciting in here. I have lots of thoughts, I crack myself up, I ponder the mysteries of the universe.
That's not to say I don't like people. I do. I just don't like a lot of people all at once. And if I don't know them, then I like it less. I don't mind meeting new people, but one at a time is good for me. And you have to be pretty interesting for me to decide I want to actually get to know you. I'm pretty selective.
There's a good reason for that though. Even if I know you, and you're lucky enough to call yourself my friend (and you should count yourself lucky, I'm awesome), it still uses a lot of my energy to spend time with you. So if I'm going to spend the energy, you better be worth it.
Now I love humanity as a whole. I think people have lots of potential and can do some wonderful and amazing things. I just don't want the whole of humanity beating down my door. I love from a distance.
I've had a lot of people tell me that if I just went out more, or spent time with people, or whatever, more often then I would learn to be an extrovert. I'm here to tell ya, that's not happening. I am a dyed in the wool introvert and proud of it. There's nothing wrong with that. It just means I relate to the world in a slightly different way from most of the rest of you. So you all go on, have fun, live it up. I'll be watching from over here.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
I just needed a bath...
It was a rough day. I don't know exactly why, but I know that I was edgy, stressed and cranky from the time I woke up this morning. Brian tends to get the short end of that stick. Whenever I get stressed like that I have next to no patience with a kid who requires an awful lot of it.
I don't know what it is, it just seems like when I already feel stressed and over-taxed he comes along with a bundle of NEED. It seems like all day long it's just: I want, I need, MOM MOM MOM MOM!!! And it's simple stuff. He needs more water. He wants a snack. He wants to show me something. He got his head stuck in the armhole of his shirt and needs me to un-stick him. He's going outside again. He's coming inside because the leaf guys are here. Sometimes I love his constant status updates. They are often funny or interesting, but today. Oi.
And of course there's Teddy, who really is just a bundle of need. The last couple of days have been hard on him. It's been hot, even with the air on high most of the day. And he's got a little cold which has given him a stuffy nose which makes eating difficult. Plus the heat, so he gets fussy.
And then James gets home. And everyone needs me to make dinner. And James "needs" me to rub his feet and ankles, which I'm sure hurt from being on them all day. But after a day of being needed by everyone else in this house I just don't have a whole lot of energy to deal with his needs, too.
And I'm annoyed that nobody seems to be very interested in what I might need. After all, I did spend the day with two small children. That doesn't lend itself to individual pursuits very often. So after dinner, after my mother in law had left, after Brian was in bed and Teddy had been fed, I handed him off to his daddy and I took a trashy romance novel and I had a bath.
I'm not a big bath person. I think most of the time it's fairly silly to lay around in a tub and do nothing. I don't own bubble bath, or bath salts, or any of those things. I don't have the best tub in the world. But I have found that if I want to read or spend time undisturbed a bath is a great place to do it. So I took my trashy book and I laid there and relaxed. I read a few chapters, and when I got out Teddy was sleeping. And I feel a whole lot better.
I think maybe I can face tomorrow with a better attitude. All I really needed was a bath.
I don't know what it is, it just seems like when I already feel stressed and over-taxed he comes along with a bundle of NEED. It seems like all day long it's just: I want, I need, MOM MOM MOM MOM!!! And it's simple stuff. He needs more water. He wants a snack. He wants to show me something. He got his head stuck in the armhole of his shirt and needs me to un-stick him. He's going outside again. He's coming inside because the leaf guys are here. Sometimes I love his constant status updates. They are often funny or interesting, but today. Oi.
And of course there's Teddy, who really is just a bundle of need. The last couple of days have been hard on him. It's been hot, even with the air on high most of the day. And he's got a little cold which has given him a stuffy nose which makes eating difficult. Plus the heat, so he gets fussy.
And then James gets home. And everyone needs me to make dinner. And James "needs" me to rub his feet and ankles, which I'm sure hurt from being on them all day. But after a day of being needed by everyone else in this house I just don't have a whole lot of energy to deal with his needs, too.
And I'm annoyed that nobody seems to be very interested in what I might need. After all, I did spend the day with two small children. That doesn't lend itself to individual pursuits very often. So after dinner, after my mother in law had left, after Brian was in bed and Teddy had been fed, I handed him off to his daddy and I took a trashy romance novel and I had a bath.
I'm not a big bath person. I think most of the time it's fairly silly to lay around in a tub and do nothing. I don't own bubble bath, or bath salts, or any of those things. I don't have the best tub in the world. But I have found that if I want to read or spend time undisturbed a bath is a great place to do it. So I took my trashy book and I laid there and relaxed. I read a few chapters, and when I got out Teddy was sleeping. And I feel a whole lot better.
I think maybe I can face tomorrow with a better attitude. All I really needed was a bath.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
And here we are again...
Middle of the night...and I'm cleaning my house (well, ok..I'm blogging, but I was cleaning).
I find myself pondering some of life's great mysteries. I don't sleep too well, or often. The hazard of two kids I guess.
So I wonder:
Why do terrible things happen to people who can do nothing to stop them? (The verdict on the Casey Anthony case came in today.)
Why, in a society with such abundance, are the people so incredibly stingy and self-centered?
Why does the sight of my oldest child snuggled up to his dinosaur pillow with his sun-browned legs sticking out from under the sheet bring tears to my eyes?
How can such beautiful and amazing things exist in a world with such awful things at the same time?
I guess I'm not going to get any answers to these any time soon. And I should probably be getting to bed since morning comes early with two small kids in the house. It's a beautiful world though.
I find myself pondering some of life's great mysteries. I don't sleep too well, or often. The hazard of two kids I guess.
So I wonder:
Why do terrible things happen to people who can do nothing to stop them? (The verdict on the Casey Anthony case came in today.)
Why, in a society with such abundance, are the people so incredibly stingy and self-centered?
Why does the sight of my oldest child snuggled up to his dinosaur pillow with his sun-browned legs sticking out from under the sheet bring tears to my eyes?
How can such beautiful and amazing things exist in a world with such awful things at the same time?
I guess I'm not going to get any answers to these any time soon. And I should probably be getting to bed since morning comes early with two small kids in the house. It's a beautiful world though.
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Happy (almost) 4th of July!
Today was the second annual St. Stephen's UMC 4th of July church picnic. (Wow, what a mouthful...) It was also Vacation Bible School celebration Sunday. Lots going on this morning. The youth led worship and gave all us boring parents who didn't actually go with their kids to VBS a glimpse of what went on last week. We heard a great sermon from our new pastor. And then the picnic!
We had a band, we had a jumper, water slides, and a dunk tank in which to dunk the aforementioned pastor, as well as the associate pastor, assorted youth AND my mother. And food. Hamburgers, hot dogs, and lots of delicious homemade side-dishes and desserts. We have a great church. We had a great time.
I realized though, I don't go to church for the sermons (although I enjoy them), I go because I love seeing this community of people have fun together and reach out to their community at the same time. It's wonderful that we all have faith, that we all have common ground, but it's more wonderful to see how that doesn't matter. You could have been walking by and decided to come up and you would have been just as included and important as someone who goes every Sunday.
We may not get to have fireworks this year, too dry. And maybe our city doesn't do a big parade (too liberal?). But I can thank God for the freedom I have to gather together with people of faith, in His name, and just have a great time. That freedom I wish for all people, of all faiths, all over the world.
Happy 4th of July! Remember all the freedoms you have, remember that there are people who are oppressed and hurting the world over, and be thankful for the blessings you have been given!
We had a band, we had a jumper, water slides, and a dunk tank in which to dunk the aforementioned pastor, as well as the associate pastor, assorted youth AND my mother. And food. Hamburgers, hot dogs, and lots of delicious homemade side-dishes and desserts. We have a great church. We had a great time.
I realized though, I don't go to church for the sermons (although I enjoy them), I go because I love seeing this community of people have fun together and reach out to their community at the same time. It's wonderful that we all have faith, that we all have common ground, but it's more wonderful to see how that doesn't matter. You could have been walking by and decided to come up and you would have been just as included and important as someone who goes every Sunday.
We may not get to have fireworks this year, too dry. And maybe our city doesn't do a big parade (too liberal?). But I can thank God for the freedom I have to gather together with people of faith, in His name, and just have a great time. That freedom I wish for all people, of all faiths, all over the world.
Happy 4th of July! Remember all the freedoms you have, remember that there are people who are oppressed and hurting the world over, and be thankful for the blessings you have been given!
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