I have been away from my blog for a long time. Maybe not the longest break I've ever taken, but it's been a couple of years. The last time I sat down to write something my brain was not in the best place, and the last two years have been really rough. I don't know if I'm entirely past that, but I think it's getting a lot better. 

I recently quit my job of almost 11 years. While this was not an easy decision, it was also absurdly easy. I thought that I would be devastated to leave a place I have loved so much and work that has meant so much to me, and yet that really has not been the case. So even though my leaving wasn't planned, and I lost some friends in the process, I don't feel the sadness I expected. 

And I suddenly find myself with extra energy, and so here I am, with a head full of thoughts, itching to write them down. I have missed writing, and I hope I can do this more. 

I have a critical self-reflection due tomorrow for one of my classes (I decided to go back for my MSW. Don't ask me why I decided that one of the most chaotic and stressful times in my life made me think I was ready for grad school) and it's all about radical self-care. I have to choose up to two areas of my life to prioritize self-care and take pictures, and talk about them. It's a little weird, but I'm finding school a little weird. 

One of the things I think I want to do though is write. I don't think it matters what I write, but when I cut myself off from writing because I'm too tired, or I don't have time, or I don't think I have something to say, my mental health suffers. Even if these words never make it past this page to being published, and nobody but me ever reads them, it helps. 

Because here I can say that although leaving my job of 11 years was easy, letting go of a 10-year friendship was not so easy. Even though it kind of was. And that makes me sad in a different way. And here I can say that I still feel a little dark and strange on the inside, and maybe I've just been too exhausted to even see how unhealthy my thoughts have been. 

I'm not great at self-care and I genuinely struggle to prioritize what I need over what other people want. So today I made a space to work in that feels comfortable and functional and I want to commit to keeping my personal space clean and clutter free. Writing and managing my clutter. That's going to be my self-care, at least for now.