This little light of mine...

I, like many others, am heartbroken over the events that took place this last Friday in Connecticut. I have a kindergarten age son and I cannot imagine the heartbreak and horror that this community is feeling right now. I see many, many people asking "Where was God?" or saying that if we had left God in our schools, this would never have happened. Dear readers, God *never* left our schools. Romans 8: 38-39 assures us that there is nothing at all that can separate us from God's love. Nothing. God was with every teacher, every staff member, every child, every first responder for every single moment of that day. 

I also see a lot of despair, a lot of fear, a lot of hopelessness. People are crying out in the darkness and asking: "Where is the light? What is there to believe in?" In the first chapter of John, verses 1-5 we find the answer. (From The Message) 

1-2 The Word was first,
the Word present to God,
    God present to the Word.
The Word was God,
    in readiness for God from day one.
3-5 Everything was created through him;
    nothing—not one thing!—
    came into being without him.
What came into existence was Life,
    and the Life was Light to live by.
The Life-Light blazed out of the darkness;
    the darkness couldn’t put it out.

Every day of our lives the darkness is struggling to put out the light of God in this world. Evil strives to extinguish God's light within each of us. Whenever we are confronted with the kind of tragedy, and horror, and disaster of something like Sandy Hook it is so easy to allow ourselves to fall into the trap of thinking that God has abandoned us.  God is with us, always, everywhere. There is nowhere that He is not present with us, no circumstance where His hand is not upon us. His light shines in the world and the darkness, no matter how it tries, cannot and will not overcome that light.

God calls us to be the light of the world, to share His light with all people. Remember the song, this little light of mine? When you feel hopeless, and afraid, and anxious, remember that you are to let your light shine. Don't let Satan blow it out. Let God's love, and grace, and peace fill you and shine out of you. This tragedy does not change the truth of who God is. We are the provision God made for the world in times of tragedy. We are called to be his people, to comfort the wounded, to weep with those who weep. Have faith. Although my heart breaks in this tragedy for those families who have lost so much, who would give anything to bring their babies home again, I rejoice knowing that they are with Jesus and I pray that the comfort, and peace, and strength of God be with all who are mourning, as we all mourn with them.

Namaste...Recognizing the Divine in All of Us

My mom and I have been taking a yoga class for several weeks which has several benefits, not the least of which is some mother-daughter bonding time. It is a day that I look forward to all week and I enjoy my yoga class very much. It's relaxing, it's fun, and it helps me with this whole being healthy thing I'm doing.
Anybody who has ever taken a yoga class will be familiar with the end-of-class ritual where everyone bows and says "namaste." For anyone who has not taken a yoga class, here's a little bit of background on the ritual and the meaning of the word. Namaste is a word that originates in India and literally means "I bow to you." The bow with the word is the recognition and acknowledgement of the divine spark, or soul, that lives within each of us. In some parts of the world, the bow alone gives this message. It is a beautiful, brief way to acknowledge that we are all the children of the divine, however or whoever  we may understand that to be.
I think this is something that we don't take enough time to do. We fail to acknowledge the fact that our fellow human beings are all children of the divine. We all belong to God. It doesn't matter where we live, what we believe, what we wear, what we look like, what gender we are, or anything else.
I see a lot of things on TV, on the internet, on the street disparaging groups of people for one reason or another. Things that suggest that Arab mothers aren't "brave" because they strap bombs to their kids while Jewish mothers are brave because they will cover their child's body with their own to protect them. Or things that suggest that homosexuals are less than human. Or that women are less than men and don't deserve to make decisions for themselves because they lack a basic morality. Or that poor people are lazy, shiftless, and morally bankrupt. You get the idea.
Put bluntly, I think all of that is a bunch of crap. If we spend so much time tearing others down just to build ourselves up we cannot acknowledge their spark, their soul. I get really angry when I see anyone professing any viewpoint that says that one group is somehow worth less than another. But sadly, I see more of that from people I love and care about than I would like to admit, and that doesn't just make me angry. It also hurts my heart.
It hurts me because I truly believe that all of the external packaging is superficial. What really matters is our spark, our soul. I acknowledge that everyone, in the whole entire world, has the same soul as I do, and what's more, that their soul carries the same value as mine. None of the external stuff matters in the least. And when I am tempted to forget that, I remember that God loved Hitler. I'm pretty sure that God wasn't a fan of what Hitler was doing, but then, I'm not sure God is a fan of a lot of the stuff we're doing either.
Now, I am not God. My love is not perfect. I screw up and make mistakes and get angry and I judge others.  However, I think if we could all be mindful of the fact that we all belong to God, it would be a  lot harder to draw these lines and make these distinctions. It would be harder to say that I am better than you. Because I'm not, and you're not.
So what does all of this have to do with yoga? Well, for just a little bit, every Tuesday, I take the time to acknowledge the God-given soul that resides in all of us. From my heart I acknowledge that your soul and mine belong to God and that it is there that we are all truly equal. Namaste.

Why We Love Superhero Movies....and other things.

    Recently my husband and I celebrated our second anniversary. We had lunch and we went and saw The Avengers, again. Afterward I had a wonderful sense of well being and promise and hope. Part of this could be attributed to simply having a good day, but a big chunk of it had to do with the movie. So how did a movie I've seen before boost my mood in such a significant way? Well...I think it has something to do with what is at the heart of superhero movies, and I'll explain.
     Superhero movies demonstrate the best of who we are as people. Although the extraordinary abilities and beautiful people using them are fun, that's not what we love about them. What we love is seeing someone evil, someone dedicated to the destruction and oppression of the human species, thoroughly trounced by someone who represents all that is good about us as a species. We rejoice in seeing a person, who is ultimately flawed and still human, put that aside to defend an idea bigger than themselves. Consider what most of us would do if we were suddenly granted super-powers. I think most of us would first think about how we could use those powers to our advantage. Not many of us start out thinking how we could use them for someone else. So to see someone with such an extraordinary gift use it on behalf of people who can never repay them gives us a boost. It says to us: "See, you're worth saving. You matter so much that someone was willing to sacrifice everything they had for you." We like that. We also like seeing the good guys (or girls) come out on top of the bad guy (or girl). This is not an unfamiliar story. It's a human story, and it's a lot of fun to see it writ large with big special effects and beautiful people. This is the story we tell ourselves everyday. That we are inherently worth saving, and that in the end, good always wins.
     On to the next train of thought. We're mad at our President because he's not really a superhero. Before the election 4 years ago, I had the privilege of hearing Obama speak in person. I left with the same sense of well being, the same sense of promise, and yes, that scariest of words...hope. I left believing that really, this country could be great, could represent something bigger than a mad scramble for money and power. I voted for that hope and I still believe it is possible. But 4 years of a bad economy, a deeply troubled, and it seems, increasingly violent world, coupled with almost constant bickering and in-fighting in Washington have done a lot to tarnish that image. When we elected Obama I think many of us assumed he would get in there and trounce the bad guys, talk some sense into people, and get us all on the road to a land of peace and prosperity, and we'd be in good shape inside of what...6 months? Throw in a spangly costume and it has all the makings of an excellent movie. But it's not real.
    Here's reality as I see it. The last 4 years are a culmination of decades of bad policies, both foreign and domestic. I believe that our President has done the best he can to shape our country and our foreign policies to make us safer and more prosperous. However, the President does not work alone. We were not designed as a monarchy where the weight of all decisions falls on the shoulders of one person. We bear a shared weight. Congress is largely responsible for creating the laws and policies that our nation runs by. The President suggests, proposes, and signs legislation that he (or she..one day...we hope) believes will benefit the country as a whole. And let us not forget the Supreme Court who evaluates those laws and policies to decide if they uphold the Constitution that we are founded upon. So...basic US government review done, back to the point.
   We, as a people, are responsible. Because we, as a people, are given the power to decide who represents us and what those people represent. So if you elect a person whose sole interest is in making sure that their bank account gets fatter...guess what, that person isn't really representing you, they're representing themselves. There is a great movie called Megamind (yes, it's a children's movie. I have children, get over it) in which the title character defeats the superhero (!!gasp!!). But afterward he realizes he has no real purpose in life, nobody to fight against, nothing to do. So, brilliant idea, he gifts some poor sap with super powers. And then almost immediately realizes that this guy wants to do nothing more with his super powers than impress the woman he likes. He doesn't want to do the good guy/bad guy dance. He doesn't care about the populace. He's interested in helping himself. Yeah, it doesn't end well for that guy. And yes, I am drawing a parallel between our congressional representatives and our president, and superheroes. We give them extraordinary power. Power to shape and direct this country on our behalf. We elect them to make decisions for us as a nation. And we also expect them to exercise that power responsibly and ethically. To defend us against forces that we alone could not hope to stand against. Of course they do it without wearing a cape or laser vision, but we all have our limitations. My point is that electing one type of person (that would be the wealthy, white, male person, who overwhelmingly makes up the representatives in Congress), does not represent the enormous diversity of who we are as a people. So is it really surprising that the decisions and policies coming out of Washington have almost nothing to do with what will benefit this country as a whole?
     Very soon many of us will head out to elect our representatives. I urge everyone who is not registered to vote and who is eligible to do so, to get out there and do it. It's not hard. And then vote. Educate yourself and vote. Who are the candidates? What do they stand for? What is the position on important issues of themselves and of their party? What is important to you? It's so much more important that you might think. Even if you vote for the third-party guy, vote. And if you don't vote, don't bitch.
     And on to my final point. If the story I told earlier seemed familiar in some way beyond the typical blow-things-up-save-the-day kind of way, it's because it is. Because that story is thousands of years old and almost everybody knows it. The story of a man who loved us all so much that he was willing to give up everything he had to save us. And that story, that true story, is the reason why no matter what happens this election year, I will still have hope and believe in something greater. Because I have been saved for something better because someone loves me and because I know, in the end, good wins.

We are all American

I have a love/hate relationship with politics. I love that I live in a country where I have the freedom and ability to make my own political decisions and cast my vote accordingly. I hate that it is so divisive. 2012 is a big year. It's a leap year, the summer Olympics will be held later this month in London, and it is an election year for those of us in this country.
The political ads have already started. Misinformation, mudslinging, downright lies...these will invade our print, our computers, our televisions, until November. It's so frustrating to sort through all the information to find the truth, and then to decide who to vote for. And perhaps more frustrating is dealing with the incredible amount of negativity from both parties. Nobody is willing to accept blame. Nobody is willing to compromise. Nobody is willing to step out of party lines. I am just as guilty as anyone I suppose. I see a "Romney" bumper sticker and I cringe. I get angry because I make all kinds of assumptions about anybody voting for Romney despite the fact that I know many good and wonderful people who will, in fact, be voting for him.
And the beauty of this is, and what I have to remember is, we are all Americans. We are all responsible for this country, and we are all held in obligation to it. It doesn't matter if you're a Republican, a Democrat, a Libertarian, Independent, or I-Don't-Give-A-Crap, this is still your country. This is your home. I don't care what ethnicity you are, what gender you are, what gender you want to be, who you spend your nights with, or what God(dess) you worship.
As Americans it is up to us to steer this ship. We do that by casting our ballots, by talking to our friends, family, neighbors, people in the check-out line. Listening to one another, listening to different view points. Arguing, debating, disagreeing, agreeing, compromising. We must find common ground, a place to work from. As it stands we keep getting farther and farther apart and it is harder to truly hear one another. To really be open to another viewpoint. It's too heated, too emotional. If we cannot remember that we are all in this together then we are doomed to fail. A house divided cannot stand and I think at no time since the Civil War has this been more true. We are a house divided. We are a people divided. Where is our common ground? Where is our common purpose? How do we shape our future? We must find the answers to these questions, and find a way to overcome our differences.
We will not find that in lies, in fear, in half-truths. Demand honesty. Demand integrity. Demand responsibility. Demand humility. You have the power to change the course of history. You have the power, all of it. It is your voice that counts. Do not for a second believe that your vote does not matter, that you must remain silent in the face of overwhelming corruption, deceit, fear-mongering. No party is guiltless. No candidate is above reproach. Demand better. Speak up. Let your voice be heard. Write letters, march, have an honest conversation. Vote. Above all, vote.
This country is capable of great things. We went to the moon. We created a free democracy in a time when people were ruled by kings and tyrants. We carved out a home where all people are welcome, of all faiths, of all ethnic backgrounds, of all cultures. United under one flag, one name. We are all Americans. We can move mountains. But we must reach out to one another in respect and love. Differences of opinion are nothing in the face of the American spirit and fire and passion. Do not let yourselves be distracted, do not be dissuaded, do not settle for easy answers and slick evasions. Ask the tough questions, demand the real answers. Be strong. Be courageous. Be American.

Judgment...mine and others.

I think two of the thorniest passages in the Bible (does that have to be capitalized? bible?) is Matthew 7:1 or Luke 6:37 "Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven." It may be one of the hardest things we are asked to do. Do not judge, do not condemn. Forgive. I don't know about you..but I judge all the time. I condemn people for choices and decisions that "I" would not make. But how can I know? What right do I have?

Here's why. I am not that person. I do not have any idea what they're dealing with. I don't know their past. I know nothing about them other than what they show me. Where do I get off making any kind of judgment about their life or their choices? I know all get all kinds of angry when someone dares to make judgments about my life or my choices. That's when I pull out the verses above and say mind your own business. But how often do I do the same thing?

Recently I've come up against a few situations that I have immediately snapped to judgment on. Admittedly they are things that I probably shouldn't know anyway, but the indiscretion of others concerning their own personal lives doesn't give me the right to pass judgment or condemn others for their choices. Just because I have chosen to make a different decision does not necessarily mean that I'm automatically in the right. I'd like to think so, of course. We all would like to think that we're in the right, that we have the answers, that we know best. Well, newsflash here, but no. We don't. Sorry. All we can do is make the best decision for us with the information we're given.

Now, there are plenty of things that I think people shouldn't do. But if they make the choice to do them, who am I to judge? I'm sure I make plenty of decisions that people find questionable. I know I do. But really, that's between me, the people involved, and God. If I want people to mind their own business, I should take my own advice. Mind my own business. Offer help, support, advice, and above all, love. Help and support should be a given. Advice, well...if it's asked for. Love, always. Always offer love. It can make all the difference in the world. And it's all we're asked to do in the first place.

Mother's Day-2012

I love Mother's Day. I've loved it every year since I first became a mother 5 years ago. Partially because I'm spoiled and I like to have people do things for me but also because I love the opportunity to really just relax and enjoy my family. Often I get so wrapped up in the every day busy busy busy that I forget to take time and just enjoy being a mom. It's so easy to forget that all this lasts just moments and then my kids are going to be grown and off busy with their own lives.
On this day I like to take a moment to just take stock and think about the year past. It has been a busy year. It's our second Mother's Day with Teddy, our fifth Mother's Day with Brian. The last year has been very hectic. We've hardly slowed down it seems. School, for both Brian and me. His first year of pre-k has been wonderful, but is drawing to a close. We're looking toward Kindergarten this fall. Teddy is walking, chattering away (nobody knows what about though).
As a mom...well. I think I've been distracted. I've been busy. Maybe I've been too short and impatient and cranky. But I've also tried to be encouraging. I've tried to be loving. It's been a rough year in a lot of ways. We have had to make a lot of adjustments. I think we're finding an equilibrium though. Now that Teddy is becoming more independent it's getting easier to spend time with Brian. The sibling rivalry might kill me, but it's also sweet and wonderful to see them play together. Teddy loves his big brother to pieces. I think Brian is still not sure what to do with his brother and often gets a little out of control playing. But he loves his brother, too.
All in all...I think we're doing ok. As short on patience, and sleep, as I have been we're still managing to get by. It's going ok. And I think, as good as last year was, this one will be better.

A warrior with nothing to fight...

I'm a fighter. I am all for love, compassion, understanding, etc., but when it comes to it, I'm a fighter. Give me bad news, I want to fight. Argue with me, and my  hands ball into fists. Make me mad enough, and I might lash out. When someone I love is hurting, I want to hurt whatever it is back. Maybe it's genetics, there is a fairly significant proportion of Scots-Irish genes in there. I wouldn't discount the temper I got from my dad's side of the family either. In a lot of ways I like my fighting spirit. It gives me an edge, a backbone when I'm blindsided by something, the will to stand up and fight for what I believe in.
Of course, when someone I love is sick, or in the hospital, and there's not a real culprit to go after, I feel helpless. I feel impotent. It makes me angry. And it is supremely frustrating when I feel like there is nothing I can do to help.
This has been a very, very frustrating week. My grandmother had surgery and they've been having trouble managing her pain. She's doing ok, but there's nothing I can do to help her feel better. Nothing to fight, nothing to do but wait and pray and worry.
A good friend found out that her husband's cancer is incurable, inoperable, and there's nothing left for them to do. He's going home to die. She is understandably devastated. And I feel helpless. There is nothing I can do for her. And I want to do something.
I want something tangible I can fight. Something physical I can do. I hate just waiting and praying. It doesn't seem fair. I feel like there should be more I can do, and when the answer is pray...it sometimes doesn't feel like enough.
It seems like I don't put a lot of faith in God, but that's not true. I do. God is always listening, always with us. God hears everything. God hears us when we ask for things. Sometimes I just don't like the answer. Sometimes I want the answer I want, and I don't get it. Like all children, I want my way and I'm prone to tantrums when I don't get it. So I pray. I may be mad. I may be asking why. I may be questioning. But I pray. I talk. I yell. I cry. And God hears all of it, and sends back the answer and maybe I like it, maybe I don't. But I keep the conversation going. And when I have nothing to fight, nothing physical to do, maybe I'll clean the kitchen instead.
Maybe I'll stand there attacking a stubborn spot and asking why can't I do more, and maybe the answer is because I've done all I can with my limited means, and the rest of it is a job for somebody bigger, and older, and wiser than me.
I give my son that answer a lot. You aren't old enough. You aren't ready to do that. You've done what you can. He's a tough kid. I'm a tough kid. Being a tough kid doesn't always mean that there's something you need to do. Sometimes it means that you have to be strong enough to let it go. To accept that what you want isn't what is going to happen. Not my will. Not my way. I still don't like it. But I'm working on accepting it.