For Lent I gave up social media as a constant, daily part of my life. My rule is no more than 30 minutes a day and only after the kids are in bed. So far so good. I actually think this has been an amazing choice for my mental health. I'm less angry, stressed, and I have some distance from a lot of stuff that I was carrying that I really don't need to.
But...I'm also less connected because social media has been my main source of connection for years. Hello introvert. So the flip side of all this has been pushing myself to reach out and connect in meaningful ways with people I care about. This is not easy for me. It has recently become really important to me to show people that I care about, that I do care. See my recent post about church and the difficulties there to see why this matters.
The thing is, I have a tendency in person to just sort of jabber away and I don't know how much connecting I really do because it is hard to be with people. I don't know when to talk or when to shut up. I talk a lot to cover this awkwardness and then I feel weird so I sit quiet and then I don't know what to do. Just know if you're with me and I talk a lot and then have weird quiet pauses, it's because I don't know what to do with myself.
I also feel like I share too much, and again, hello introvert. I hate shallow interaction and chit chat so I tend to just jump right in to deep and complicated and strange because that's interesting.
I really feel like I'm just kind of weird on a fundamental level. Broken and strange and not put back together with all the pieces maybe.
In all of this though is still a desire to connect and build relationship and community, however awkward and weird. In that, I have found that spending quality one on one time with people is really important because that's where I feel safest. So for all of you who show up for my self care and my strange and keep coming back, thank you. It genuinely means the world to me.
Maybe I will come back to social media someday, but I think maybe not. I think maybe it's more important to talk to you directly about your life and your day and actually give you my attention and not a quick like, or emoji, or some thoughtless response.
I am so utterly tired of shallow, and trite, and easy. I'm tired of talking talking talking and nothing is said, nothing changes, nothing grows. Social media feels stale, and boring, and repetitive.
I had a drink after work this evening with a friend, and all of the above is true. I felt like I talked to much, I felt like I didn't listen enough, but I loved just being there. I loved talking about our lives and what we're doing and why. I wish I was better about extending those invitations and better about showing up for those conversations. I wish more of my life was about strange and weird and broken and imperfect. I'm so glad she showed up for that today. I hope it was as good for her well-being as it was for mine.
Tuesday, March 19, 2019
What to do?
You know how sometimes people grow apart? It's not anybody's fault, just sometimes people move in different directions in their lives and the relationship grows distant and sometimes just disappears entirely over time. It happens. You might look back and mourn a little for the relationship you used to have but you accept it and move on.
Then, sometimes, you have relationships that end out of necessity because the relationship has become toxic for whatever reason. Maybe you've changed and the other person can't accept it, maybe there are behaviors or attitudes that are dangerous or abusive on one side or another, and so you walk away or they do, and again, maybe you mourn for the relationship you had, but you recognize that sometimes you have to let it go and move on for your own sanity and peace of mind.
Finally, you have relationships that you see something going wrong and you have a choice, walk away or stay and try to fix it. What you choose has a lot to do with how invested in the relationship you were in the first place and how confident you are in you ability to salvage something from it.
And sometimes, this happens not with a person but with a group or organization. In all cases you have to decide what you're going to do and whether the relationship is worth saving or needs to be scrapped.
I bring all this up because I am currently facing this dilemma with my church denomination. I've been a United Methodist my whole life. We have our problems, as do all churches, but on the whole, I think we're a wonderful group of people and our hearts are in the right place. We recently (in the last year) found a new church and have been really happy there.
My husband and I tend to be liberal in our views. Church, for us, should be about drawing the outsider in and giving them a full and equal seat at the table. We believe that all people have something to offer in the body of Christ, regardless of gender, gender identity, sexual orientation, marital status, socioeconomic status, disability, race, criminal background, or any other category you can imagine. We all belong to God and God has a place for all of us, regardless of these things.
God shows us over and over and over (we're an incredibly hard-headed species) that he loves us as a parent. Consider your own children or family that you love. Sometimes they do things that make you so angry, or hurt you terribly, or confuse and upset you, and yet at the end of the day you love them. You forgive the hurt, you let go of the anger, you welcome the transgressor back and make them a sandwich. That is the love that God has for us and the love we are called to share with the world. It's a love that says, "Hey, it's ok. Forget about it. Pull up a chair and tell me how you've been." It's love that says, "I know the world can be a hard and scary place, but in this place, you are welcome, and loved, and accepted, for exactly who you are."
When we exclude others, when we draw lines between us and them, we are acting on our own authority. When we draw others in and we love them without condition or reserve, that is God's authority. And the bottom line here is whether or not my church is practicing this sort of radical inclusiveness. In years past I'd say we did better than most, but now I'm not as sure. And here is my conundrum. Do I stay and try to push back against an attitude of exclusivity or do I wash my hands of it and look for a new congregation? I believe the people in my church are as they have always been, but some in leadership have shown a willingness to draw that line, to exclude those who are already marginalized, and that concerns me.
I'm not sure of the answer. On the one hand we have developed some wonderful relationships and community with our church family. I feel like we have some obligation to speak up and insist that we remain an open and loving denomination where every person is welcomed and included. I don't feel like the relationship has become toxic. Maybe that's my privilege as a straight, white woman talking. But maybe we have come to a place where the relationship has gone in different directions and we should just go our separate ways. I know there are many other churches and denominations where our views are widely held by everyone from leadership to laypeople. I don't know what authority or right we have to push back, but I know the thought of telling someone they aren't welcome to fully participate in the life of the church for whatever reason, makes me angry. In the battle between love and doctrine, I choose love. Doctrine is something we dreamed up, but love comes always from the infinite love of God, and choosing to act in love is never the wrong answer.
So if you're the praying type, pray for me and my family as we try to navigate this relationship and the changes in it.
Then, sometimes, you have relationships that end out of necessity because the relationship has become toxic for whatever reason. Maybe you've changed and the other person can't accept it, maybe there are behaviors or attitudes that are dangerous or abusive on one side or another, and so you walk away or they do, and again, maybe you mourn for the relationship you had, but you recognize that sometimes you have to let it go and move on for your own sanity and peace of mind.
Finally, you have relationships that you see something going wrong and you have a choice, walk away or stay and try to fix it. What you choose has a lot to do with how invested in the relationship you were in the first place and how confident you are in you ability to salvage something from it.
And sometimes, this happens not with a person but with a group or organization. In all cases you have to decide what you're going to do and whether the relationship is worth saving or needs to be scrapped.
I bring all this up because I am currently facing this dilemma with my church denomination. I've been a United Methodist my whole life. We have our problems, as do all churches, but on the whole, I think we're a wonderful group of people and our hearts are in the right place. We recently (in the last year) found a new church and have been really happy there.
My husband and I tend to be liberal in our views. Church, for us, should be about drawing the outsider in and giving them a full and equal seat at the table. We believe that all people have something to offer in the body of Christ, regardless of gender, gender identity, sexual orientation, marital status, socioeconomic status, disability, race, criminal background, or any other category you can imagine. We all belong to God and God has a place for all of us, regardless of these things.
God shows us over and over and over (we're an incredibly hard-headed species) that he loves us as a parent. Consider your own children or family that you love. Sometimes they do things that make you so angry, or hurt you terribly, or confuse and upset you, and yet at the end of the day you love them. You forgive the hurt, you let go of the anger, you welcome the transgressor back and make them a sandwich. That is the love that God has for us and the love we are called to share with the world. It's a love that says, "Hey, it's ok. Forget about it. Pull up a chair and tell me how you've been." It's love that says, "I know the world can be a hard and scary place, but in this place, you are welcome, and loved, and accepted, for exactly who you are."
When we exclude others, when we draw lines between us and them, we are acting on our own authority. When we draw others in and we love them without condition or reserve, that is God's authority. And the bottom line here is whether or not my church is practicing this sort of radical inclusiveness. In years past I'd say we did better than most, but now I'm not as sure. And here is my conundrum. Do I stay and try to push back against an attitude of exclusivity or do I wash my hands of it and look for a new congregation? I believe the people in my church are as they have always been, but some in leadership have shown a willingness to draw that line, to exclude those who are already marginalized, and that concerns me.
I'm not sure of the answer. On the one hand we have developed some wonderful relationships and community with our church family. I feel like we have some obligation to speak up and insist that we remain an open and loving denomination where every person is welcomed and included. I don't feel like the relationship has become toxic. Maybe that's my privilege as a straight, white woman talking. But maybe we have come to a place where the relationship has gone in different directions and we should just go our separate ways. I know there are many other churches and denominations where our views are widely held by everyone from leadership to laypeople. I don't know what authority or right we have to push back, but I know the thought of telling someone they aren't welcome to fully participate in the life of the church for whatever reason, makes me angry. In the battle between love and doctrine, I choose love. Doctrine is something we dreamed up, but love comes always from the infinite love of God, and choosing to act in love is never the wrong answer.
So if you're the praying type, pray for me and my family as we try to navigate this relationship and the changes in it.
Friday, May 26, 2017
Oh what a beautiful morning
This morning, as I sometimes do, I joined our Outreach team on their biweekly early morning outreach. Early morning outreach is an opportunity for the team to collaborate with other local agencies serving the homeless and try to contact people in the community who may not regularly access services anywhere. We provide coffee, doughnuts, sack lunches, water, and other supplies. We gather by 8:00 am and spend about an hour and a half greeting people.
Today was notably beautiful. Sunny, clear sky with a slight breeze out of the west. Just warm enough that you know it's going to be hot later on. Many people wanted water for later. Some were inclined to stop and visit for a while and some wanted to get their coffee and bolt. I try to do coffee and doughnut service so that my Outreach coworkers can get the information they need without trying to juggle clipboards and coffee cups. As an added bonus it gives my awkward self something to do and say which is welcome. A smile, a cup of coffee, and a "have a nice day," is doable.
Of the many encounters this morning, two stand out to me.
The first was a woman who came and got a doughnut and coffee and then seemed to be waiting for someone. This was confirmed as some time later a man in a nicer pickup pulled up and she got into the truck with two other men. We all watched as this woman got into this truck, into this unsafe situation, and knew there was nothing we could do in those circumstances other than what we had already done for her, which was offer kindness along with her coffee and doughnut.
The second was a woman who came up, got her coffee and other stuff, and then I lost track of her, until 15 minutes or so later when she was walking across the far side of the parking lot, having clearly just left the semi-truck parked there and its occupant. The realization of what sort of activity was taking place hit me like a slap.
I'm here, enjoying this beautiful morning, in the relative safety and comfort of my coworkers and colleagues company, and here are these two women having completely different mornings. Did they stop to notice the sun, the breeze, the warmth in the air? Can they stop to notice? What a luxury it is to stop and smell the proverbial roses. Two women this morning placed themselves in remarkable danger, in situations most of us would never even begin to contemplate, just to make it through today. This beautiful day that I don't think they even noticed.
Regardless of your thoughts about their choices, understand that for women the streets are unsafe in a way they aren't for men. Understand that they make incredibly difficult and painful choices, often to trade in the only commodity they have for a chance at food, at shelter, and yes, maybe drugs too. For one second try to imagine that level of desperation. Sometimes I lose sight of what the daily experience for our clients can be like, and today was a sharp reminder.
Remember this, too. For most of us, hope is reflexive. We have learned, through experience, that life is not always unkind and that bad situations often have happy endings. We have learned that on the other side of pain is healing, and so we hope. For many of the people we serve here, hope is a luxury as much as noticing a beautiful day is. Hope is what you get when you aren't focused every second on simply surviving to the next second.
So then, our job becomes to cultivate hope in our clients. We do that in a multitude of ways, but some of the simplest are offering a cup of coffee with a smile, offering service without judgment, offering kindness without strings. My hope is that those things together perhaps remind someone who may feel hopeless, bereft of their humanity, that they are indeed a loved and valued person, at least in this moment. Small kindnesses given in love may be all someone needs to lift their head once more in hope. What a beautiful morning indeed to remind me of the power that I have to instill hope in others.
Today was notably beautiful. Sunny, clear sky with a slight breeze out of the west. Just warm enough that you know it's going to be hot later on. Many people wanted water for later. Some were inclined to stop and visit for a while and some wanted to get their coffee and bolt. I try to do coffee and doughnut service so that my Outreach coworkers can get the information they need without trying to juggle clipboards and coffee cups. As an added bonus it gives my awkward self something to do and say which is welcome. A smile, a cup of coffee, and a "have a nice day," is doable.
Of the many encounters this morning, two stand out to me.
The first was a woman who came and got a doughnut and coffee and then seemed to be waiting for someone. This was confirmed as some time later a man in a nicer pickup pulled up and she got into the truck with two other men. We all watched as this woman got into this truck, into this unsafe situation, and knew there was nothing we could do in those circumstances other than what we had already done for her, which was offer kindness along with her coffee and doughnut.
The second was a woman who came up, got her coffee and other stuff, and then I lost track of her, until 15 minutes or so later when she was walking across the far side of the parking lot, having clearly just left the semi-truck parked there and its occupant. The realization of what sort of activity was taking place hit me like a slap.
I'm here, enjoying this beautiful morning, in the relative safety and comfort of my coworkers and colleagues company, and here are these two women having completely different mornings. Did they stop to notice the sun, the breeze, the warmth in the air? Can they stop to notice? What a luxury it is to stop and smell the proverbial roses. Two women this morning placed themselves in remarkable danger, in situations most of us would never even begin to contemplate, just to make it through today. This beautiful day that I don't think they even noticed.
Regardless of your thoughts about their choices, understand that for women the streets are unsafe in a way they aren't for men. Understand that they make incredibly difficult and painful choices, often to trade in the only commodity they have for a chance at food, at shelter, and yes, maybe drugs too. For one second try to imagine that level of desperation. Sometimes I lose sight of what the daily experience for our clients can be like, and today was a sharp reminder.
Remember this, too. For most of us, hope is reflexive. We have learned, through experience, that life is not always unkind and that bad situations often have happy endings. We have learned that on the other side of pain is healing, and so we hope. For many of the people we serve here, hope is a luxury as much as noticing a beautiful day is. Hope is what you get when you aren't focused every second on simply surviving to the next second.
So then, our job becomes to cultivate hope in our clients. We do that in a multitude of ways, but some of the simplest are offering a cup of coffee with a smile, offering service without judgment, offering kindness without strings. My hope is that those things together perhaps remind someone who may feel hopeless, bereft of their humanity, that they are indeed a loved and valued person, at least in this moment. Small kindnesses given in love may be all someone needs to lift their head once more in hope. What a beautiful morning indeed to remind me of the power that I have to instill hope in others.
Friday, November 18, 2016
Don't Panic
It's been a long time since I dusted off my blog and wrote anything. Life has been busy and I have not made the time for writing that I should. However, I have some thoughts about recent events, and as usually happens, I best express them when I write. So here we go.
Right now, there are a lot of people who want us to come together as a country, to unite and move forward. Well, the problem for me is, I do not want to unite behind this man's ideals, his beliefs, or his plans. Some of the things he has said are truly disturbing, and at times absolutely horrifying. The things that people say in his name, that he has not or will not directly disavow, are even worse. I believe that to be united we must all be valued equally. That my white skin should grant me privilege or opportunity beyond what someone else has disgusts me. It infuriates me. As it should for all of us. And yet, and yet...
So if it is not possible to unify behind this man, if we cannot and will not tolerate or stomach the racism, sexism, Islamophobia, homophobia, etc. from some of his supporters, then what hope is there? Well, there's this.
For every act of hatred, of intolerance, of bigotry, of discrimination, of violence toward "the other" there must be a greater act of love. For those of us who will not and cannot unite behind the vision that has been cast for our country, we must unite in love, remembering of course that love is an action word. It has no meaning as a platitude or a feeling, it must be acted upon if it is to be of any use. We must reach out into our communities in love, with tangible, real acts of sacrifice, of faith, of hope. If it becomes necessary we must become the shields and the voices for those most likely to be hurt by this administration. Side by side we can form a wall of love that stretches not just around our own country, but around the world, to reject this blatant evil.
Maybe some (if anyone still reads this thing) will be offended by my use of the word "evil" here, but this is evil. Evil that divides us, evil that separates us, evil that will destroy us if it can. And the only way to beat that back, to stop it, is to meet it with overwhelming love. To refuse the vision of fear and hate and self-interest and to reach out with radical love, compassion, empathy, and hope.
I know so many of us (me included) are terrified of what the future holds. It is scary and a little fear is healthy if it propels us to action. But too much leads to the kind of hatred and anger and intolerance that we abhor. So we must be careful that in our fear we do not become what we are fearful of.
In the immediate future, I recommend that we all refuse to engage with the online ugliness. The internet and social media can be a great tool for community, but it can also serve to spread hate and fear. If you find yourself in a conversation online, or even in person, that is unproductive, hateful, and damaging, walk away. Even if it is someone you love, walk away. End it. Refuse to feed that evil. It will do everything it can to draw you in. It will mock you, belittle everything you hold dear, insult you, threaten you, but find the strength to walk away.
For so many of us still reeling, still raw, still hurt, this is hard. How do you reach out with love or compassion toward people with hearts so twisted? We do this through compassion and empathy. We learn to see them as the broken and misguided people they are. We do not have to accept their views to do this. We do not have to tolerate their views or actions to do this. We do not even have to like them to do this. But we must remember to love them. Pray for them.
For anyone reading this who feels directly threatened by the hateful rhetoric flying around, remember this. More of us are with you than are against you. We will stand with you, we will fight for your rights and your lives, and amplify your voices with ours. We will not leave you behind. When you are afraid remember that you are not alone, and you will never be alone in this fight. In the end I believe that love is the light of the world, and no matter how the darkness rages, it cannot put that light out.
Right now, there are a lot of people who want us to come together as a country, to unite and move forward. Well, the problem for me is, I do not want to unite behind this man's ideals, his beliefs, or his plans. Some of the things he has said are truly disturbing, and at times absolutely horrifying. The things that people say in his name, that he has not or will not directly disavow, are even worse. I believe that to be united we must all be valued equally. That my white skin should grant me privilege or opportunity beyond what someone else has disgusts me. It infuriates me. As it should for all of us. And yet, and yet...
So if it is not possible to unify behind this man, if we cannot and will not tolerate or stomach the racism, sexism, Islamophobia, homophobia, etc. from some of his supporters, then what hope is there? Well, there's this.
For every act of hatred, of intolerance, of bigotry, of discrimination, of violence toward "the other" there must be a greater act of love. For those of us who will not and cannot unite behind the vision that has been cast for our country, we must unite in love, remembering of course that love is an action word. It has no meaning as a platitude or a feeling, it must be acted upon if it is to be of any use. We must reach out into our communities in love, with tangible, real acts of sacrifice, of faith, of hope. If it becomes necessary we must become the shields and the voices for those most likely to be hurt by this administration. Side by side we can form a wall of love that stretches not just around our own country, but around the world, to reject this blatant evil.
Maybe some (if anyone still reads this thing) will be offended by my use of the word "evil" here, but this is evil. Evil that divides us, evil that separates us, evil that will destroy us if it can. And the only way to beat that back, to stop it, is to meet it with overwhelming love. To refuse the vision of fear and hate and self-interest and to reach out with radical love, compassion, empathy, and hope.
I know so many of us (me included) are terrified of what the future holds. It is scary and a little fear is healthy if it propels us to action. But too much leads to the kind of hatred and anger and intolerance that we abhor. So we must be careful that in our fear we do not become what we are fearful of.
In the immediate future, I recommend that we all refuse to engage with the online ugliness. The internet and social media can be a great tool for community, but it can also serve to spread hate and fear. If you find yourself in a conversation online, or even in person, that is unproductive, hateful, and damaging, walk away. Even if it is someone you love, walk away. End it. Refuse to feed that evil. It will do everything it can to draw you in. It will mock you, belittle everything you hold dear, insult you, threaten you, but find the strength to walk away.
For so many of us still reeling, still raw, still hurt, this is hard. How do you reach out with love or compassion toward people with hearts so twisted? We do this through compassion and empathy. We learn to see them as the broken and misguided people they are. We do not have to accept their views to do this. We do not have to tolerate their views or actions to do this. We do not even have to like them to do this. But we must remember to love them. Pray for them.
For anyone reading this who feels directly threatened by the hateful rhetoric flying around, remember this. More of us are with you than are against you. We will stand with you, we will fight for your rights and your lives, and amplify your voices with ours. We will not leave you behind. When you are afraid remember that you are not alone, and you will never be alone in this fight. In the end I believe that love is the light of the world, and no matter how the darkness rages, it cannot put that light out.
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Red Letters
So my previous post was a bit of a barn burner. I'll admit, I really had my temper up on that one. I'm going to readdress the issues raised previously, but I am going to try to keep it calm. So, in that spirit, we move forward.
I have in my collection of Bibles, scriptural commentaries, and other assorted religious teachings and writings, what is called a "Red Letter" Bible. In this version, all the words of Jesus are printed in red. It's very handy, especially if you want to know if Jesus really said that. Well, all you have to do is look up the verse in question, and if it is in red, then you know. I'm going to throw this in here-I am not a theologian, a Biblical scholar, a preacher, or anything like it. What I have is a Bible, a desire to connect with God, and to understand the truth of God and the expression of God in this world. Occasionally this desire compels me to write things down, and that's what you get here in this blog. Ok...moving on.
So, I got this version of my Bible and I checked, thoroughly, for ANY reference, made by Jesus himself, to homosexuality being a sin or to homosexual marriage, or really anything at all having to do with homosexuality. Would you like to guess what I found?
Yeah, nothing. I did find references to sexual immorality and adultery. Now, for those of you who might be getting ready to jump all over the "sexual immorality" bit, let's consider what that might mean. Sex outside of marriage, maybe? Sex with multiple partners? Pornography? Pederasty? Prostitution? Rape? It's not particularly clear what that is. Left up to my interpretation, I would say that it is sexual behavior that is not part of a loving, committed (consensual) relationship between two people. The sin would be if someone engaged in sexual acts or behavior that was not consensual, not loving, not committed. It would not be because sex in and of itself is immoral, but because the behavior is destructive.
I have said before, but I'll repeat, sin (in my opinion) is that which separates us from God and prevents us from hearing his call in our lives. If we're tearing around having sex all willy-nilly with whoever happens across, we're not focused on God. We're focused on pleasure and we're focused on ourselves. That is sin.
So, what about Leviticus and Genesis? The story of Lot (talk about a messed up guy...but anyway) does not strike me so much as a story about homosexuals themselves as about a group of men who are behaving in a homosexual way without necessarily being homosexual. Refer back to my comments regarding willy-nilly sex. Of course, Lot offers them his virgin daughters to rape instead (where's the outrage regarding that, by the way?) and they refuse, and then they're blinded by the angels.
In Leviticus we have two verses that people just love to quote to "prove" how wrong homosexuality is. Two comments on this.
First, in my handy-dandy red letter Bible, I find it interesting how not one quote from God is in red. Nothing that is attributed to God directly has been outlined. Not even the 10 Commandments. I don't know what the reason for that is, but here, again, are my thoughts. Ever played a game of telephone? You know, where one person says something, and then the message has to travel around the circle to the person who started it and about 99% of the time it has changed so much that it's not even the same message anymore? I wonder if we don't directly attribute God's words to God because part of us knows that we might have gotten some of the message mixed up in translation. So these two quotes, from Leviticus, although attributed to God could possibly be mixed up. They could also be falsely attributed, but I'll not get into that.
Second, we ignore an awful lot of the rules from Leviticus. I mean a LOT. For instance, I myself enjoy shellfish, pork, meat on Fridays, meat and cheese together (helloooo pizza!) and I don't recall ever sequestering myself OR undergoing ritual purification after my monthly time. I also have a tattoo. So yeah, I may not be a homosexual, but I'm already breaking a bunch of laws here.
And the kicker is...I am not one tiny bit concerned about any of them. Ask me why...go on, it's fun. (I'm going to pretend you did.)
I am not concerned because Jesus said this about the law in Matthew 22 37-40: "'You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.' This is the greatest and first commandment. And a second is like it: 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets."
On these two commandments hang ALL the law and the prophets. If I trust in the saving grace of Jesus Christ, and I strive to love God with everything I have and love my neighbor as myself, then I'm doing alright. I'm not perfect, but I'm doing what I was told as best I can with my flawed human self. I'm not going to worry about what God thinks of my tattoo, or whether I was eating shellfish. I'm also not too worried about my homosexual neighbors. What God thinks of them is between them and God and I have no business interjecting my opinion in there or judging anyone for anything. Not while I myself am so hopelessly flawed and law-breaking.
I do not believe same-sex couples are committing a sin by loving one another or by wanting to declare that love and commitment in a marriage ceremony with their family and friends. I do not believe that their marriages will somehow damage my marriage, or destroy society, or destroy the institution of marriage. I also do not believe that any person's private faith or morality has ANY business determining the legal and civil rights for other people. That's just constitutional.
Equality and love for all. I think God, and Jesus, would approve.
I have in my collection of Bibles, scriptural commentaries, and other assorted religious teachings and writings, what is called a "Red Letter" Bible. In this version, all the words of Jesus are printed in red. It's very handy, especially if you want to know if Jesus really said that. Well, all you have to do is look up the verse in question, and if it is in red, then you know. I'm going to throw this in here-I am not a theologian, a Biblical scholar, a preacher, or anything like it. What I have is a Bible, a desire to connect with God, and to understand the truth of God and the expression of God in this world. Occasionally this desire compels me to write things down, and that's what you get here in this blog. Ok...moving on.
So, I got this version of my Bible and I checked, thoroughly, for ANY reference, made by Jesus himself, to homosexuality being a sin or to homosexual marriage, or really anything at all having to do with homosexuality. Would you like to guess what I found?
Yeah, nothing. I did find references to sexual immorality and adultery. Now, for those of you who might be getting ready to jump all over the "sexual immorality" bit, let's consider what that might mean. Sex outside of marriage, maybe? Sex with multiple partners? Pornography? Pederasty? Prostitution? Rape? It's not particularly clear what that is. Left up to my interpretation, I would say that it is sexual behavior that is not part of a loving, committed (consensual) relationship between two people. The sin would be if someone engaged in sexual acts or behavior that was not consensual, not loving, not committed. It would not be because sex in and of itself is immoral, but because the behavior is destructive.
I have said before, but I'll repeat, sin (in my opinion) is that which separates us from God and prevents us from hearing his call in our lives. If we're tearing around having sex all willy-nilly with whoever happens across, we're not focused on God. We're focused on pleasure and we're focused on ourselves. That is sin.
So, what about Leviticus and Genesis? The story of Lot (talk about a messed up guy...but anyway) does not strike me so much as a story about homosexuals themselves as about a group of men who are behaving in a homosexual way without necessarily being homosexual. Refer back to my comments regarding willy-nilly sex. Of course, Lot offers them his virgin daughters to rape instead (where's the outrage regarding that, by the way?) and they refuse, and then they're blinded by the angels.
In Leviticus we have two verses that people just love to quote to "prove" how wrong homosexuality is. Two comments on this.
First, in my handy-dandy red letter Bible, I find it interesting how not one quote from God is in red. Nothing that is attributed to God directly has been outlined. Not even the 10 Commandments. I don't know what the reason for that is, but here, again, are my thoughts. Ever played a game of telephone? You know, where one person says something, and then the message has to travel around the circle to the person who started it and about 99% of the time it has changed so much that it's not even the same message anymore? I wonder if we don't directly attribute God's words to God because part of us knows that we might have gotten some of the message mixed up in translation. So these two quotes, from Leviticus, although attributed to God could possibly be mixed up. They could also be falsely attributed, but I'll not get into that.
Second, we ignore an awful lot of the rules from Leviticus. I mean a LOT. For instance, I myself enjoy shellfish, pork, meat on Fridays, meat and cheese together (helloooo pizza!) and I don't recall ever sequestering myself OR undergoing ritual purification after my monthly time. I also have a tattoo. So yeah, I may not be a homosexual, but I'm already breaking a bunch of laws here.
And the kicker is...I am not one tiny bit concerned about any of them. Ask me why...go on, it's fun. (I'm going to pretend you did.)
I am not concerned because Jesus said this about the law in Matthew 22 37-40: "'You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.' This is the greatest and first commandment. And a second is like it: 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets."
On these two commandments hang ALL the law and the prophets. If I trust in the saving grace of Jesus Christ, and I strive to love God with everything I have and love my neighbor as myself, then I'm doing alright. I'm not perfect, but I'm doing what I was told as best I can with my flawed human self. I'm not going to worry about what God thinks of my tattoo, or whether I was eating shellfish. I'm also not too worried about my homosexual neighbors. What God thinks of them is between them and God and I have no business interjecting my opinion in there or judging anyone for anything. Not while I myself am so hopelessly flawed and law-breaking.
I do not believe same-sex couples are committing a sin by loving one another or by wanting to declare that love and commitment in a marriage ceremony with their family and friends. I do not believe that their marriages will somehow damage my marriage, or destroy society, or destroy the institution of marriage. I also do not believe that any person's private faith or morality has ANY business determining the legal and civil rights for other people. That's just constitutional.
Equality and love for all. I think God, and Jesus, would approve.
Sunday, March 10, 2013
Variation on a Theme
I was reading back over
a few of my blogs and I noticed that in the last few a theme seems to be
developing. Let's see if you can pick it out by the end of this one.
My husband and I were
having a conversation yesterday (it seems like a lot of my blogs start this
way, but I promise, this isn't the theme...) and somehow or another we got onto
the subject of discrimination. Not in a 1960s, civil rights, Martin Luther King
Jr. kind of a way, but a now, happening, in-your-face kind of way. The
discrimination that comes packaged in religion. Yeah. That.
I got angry. I won't
lie, I got really angry. Angry enough that I started crying because this is one
of many areas where I feel helpless. And like I'm beating my head against a
brick wall every time I speak out against it. I'm going to be really blunt
though. Your religion, whatever it may be, does not give you the right to deny
another person their rights. To anything. Ever.
If you are Christian, and
you don't think homosexual people have a right to be married because it doesn't
uphold a "Biblical" definition of marriage, I've got news for you.
You have no right to deny them. On legal grounds because your private morality
has no business dictating the public policy of this nation. On religious
grounds because Jesus told you to judge not. And to love your neighbor as
yourself. I don't care if you think it's a sin. If you want to be a follower of
Jesus and call yourself a Christian then step right into those sandals and get
your brunch on with those sinners. You are called to love them, not condemn
them.
Do you think you
standing around judging them and calling them sinners and telling them they're
bad and awful is going to make them want to listen to you? To believe in your
God? Let's turn it around...how do you feel when the religious extremists call
you a sinner or an infidel and declare that you are going to hell? Yeah, it's
not so good, is it? So love them. Care for them and their well being. Sin is
not an act that you find unpleasant, or wrong, or judge to be immoral. Sin is
that which separates us from God, that prevents us from hearing His voice and
doing his will. Sin in following our desire and not God's.
Finally, and in the same
vein...I have just about had it with people who call themselves Christian who
can't or won't be bothered to help anyone less fortunate than themselves.
People find all kinds of reasons not to. "It's enabling them and they
won't ever learn how to take care of themselves if we do it for them." or
"They're drug addicts/sinners/bad people and they don't deserve my help.
They'll just abuse it." or "They're just lazy and I don't have to
take care of them." or (and this might be my *favorite* reason) "It's
my money/stuff/time and I earned it, so why should I give it away to those
undeserving poor/shiftless/lazy/good-for-nothing/etc. people?"
Here is the best reason
I know why you not only ought to, but also must help in whatever way you can.
Pretty specifically. Don't believe me? Check this out:
Matthew 25:31-46New International Version (NIV)
The Sheep and the Goats
31 “When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his glorious throne. 32 All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. 33 He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.
34 “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36 I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’
37 “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’
40 “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’
41 “Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fireprepared for the devil and his angels. 42 For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, 43 I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’
44 “They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’
45 “He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’
46 “Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life.
Did you catch the "whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine?" It's not the people who have just fallen on hard times and need a hand up that we are commanded to feed, and clothe, and shelter, and nurse, and visit. It is the least of these. The worst of the worst. The most wretched. The ones who are taking advantage. The criminals. The drug addicts. The ones who will never recover. Never be whole. Never be productive. Who can never repay you. These are the least. The lowest. The ones who need God's love and God's light the most. And you are the messengers of that light and love. You. And you are not going to get that message across by proclaiming the evilness, wrongness, and otherwise worthlessness of the person you're supposed to be loving.
And I get it, nobody wants to feel taken advantage of. Or that what they've done hasn't made a difference. But if you do these things with love, then you have made a difference. However small it may be. Small acts of love, of grace, of kindness can make a world of difference.
Get outside of your church. Do something for someone who can do nothing for you. Do it with love. Do it with kindness. Do it with grace. Do it without judgment.
I know that God is with me, always and everywhere. But I put a lot of distance there because God asks a lot of me. God asks me to sacrifice, and let go of my own desires and my own will and to do His and I don't like it. It's hard. And that's sin. God continues to work in my life to change this and I will never be perfect. But I will always do my best to help those who need it because I believe that God has called me, has called all of us to do just that.
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Tear down the walls
I had a thought this week which I have not been able to shake. As with most thoughts like this, it has grown into an idea large enough for a blog. So, the thought, at its core was this: Most of us spend our entire lives creating distance between ourselves and the world.
In some cases this is a necessary and healthy thing to do. Creating distance between ourselves and damaging or harmful people and situations is important. Knowing the limits of our abilities, our energies, is also important. It prevents us from overextending ourselves and causing harm.
Where I take issue with the distance is when we create unnecessary distance between ourselves and our world because we are afraid of what could happen to us. We're afraid of being hurt, of being judged, of a million other things. We fear the vulnerability that comes with sharing who we truly are because we are afraid that we will be cast out. We are afraid that we will be found wanting. So we create distance. We place restrictions, and barriers, and obstacles between us and everyone and everything else. Should I take a dancing class? No, because I'm not that coordinated and I don't want to look silly. Should I strike up a conversation with that person? No, because what if they don't like me?
Here's the thing...who cares?? If you want to dance, dance. If you feel like talking to someone, do it. If you trip on your feet, or they don't like you, oh well! Do it anyway.
And one place where I think we all create distance, and we're all afraid, is between us and God. We crave the presence of God in our lives but we fear it. We create ritual and rules so that we can keep God at a distance and bring him down to a size we can manage.
Really and truly, deep down in my heart I believe this, God is right here with us. We have only to accept and acknowledge him and open our hearts to his presence. There is no special ritual, no special procedure. Just acceptance and love. Available to us all the time, every day, without price, without question. Complete acceptance, unconditional love. Just imagine. And we flee from it because we are so afraid of our own flaws and inadequacies. We judge ourselves far more harshly than our Creator ever could or would. So we shrink from contact to protect ourselves, to hide our nakedness and our shame.
The world may tell us to be ashamed, and to hide, to build walls, but God never does. God never will. And we should not place limits, and barriers, and walls around ourselves. Reach out in love, accept yourself in all of your flawed glory. Accept others in theirs. Above all love. The greatest of all things is love.
Whoever you are reading this, know that you are loved. Immeasurably, always, infinitely, and for exactly who you are right this moment. Go into the world and love as you are loved. Tear down the walls that keep you apart.
In some cases this is a necessary and healthy thing to do. Creating distance between ourselves and damaging or harmful people and situations is important. Knowing the limits of our abilities, our energies, is also important. It prevents us from overextending ourselves and causing harm.
Where I take issue with the distance is when we create unnecessary distance between ourselves and our world because we are afraid of what could happen to us. We're afraid of being hurt, of being judged, of a million other things. We fear the vulnerability that comes with sharing who we truly are because we are afraid that we will be cast out. We are afraid that we will be found wanting. So we create distance. We place restrictions, and barriers, and obstacles between us and everyone and everything else. Should I take a dancing class? No, because I'm not that coordinated and I don't want to look silly. Should I strike up a conversation with that person? No, because what if they don't like me?
Here's the thing...who cares?? If you want to dance, dance. If you feel like talking to someone, do it. If you trip on your feet, or they don't like you, oh well! Do it anyway.
And one place where I think we all create distance, and we're all afraid, is between us and God. We crave the presence of God in our lives but we fear it. We create ritual and rules so that we can keep God at a distance and bring him down to a size we can manage.
Really and truly, deep down in my heart I believe this, God is right here with us. We have only to accept and acknowledge him and open our hearts to his presence. There is no special ritual, no special procedure. Just acceptance and love. Available to us all the time, every day, without price, without question. Complete acceptance, unconditional love. Just imagine. And we flee from it because we are so afraid of our own flaws and inadequacies. We judge ourselves far more harshly than our Creator ever could or would. So we shrink from contact to protect ourselves, to hide our nakedness and our shame.
The world may tell us to be ashamed, and to hide, to build walls, but God never does. God never will. And we should not place limits, and barriers, and walls around ourselves. Reach out in love, accept yourself in all of your flawed glory. Accept others in theirs. Above all love. The greatest of all things is love.
Whoever you are reading this, know that you are loved. Immeasurably, always, infinitely, and for exactly who you are right this moment. Go into the world and love as you are loved. Tear down the walls that keep you apart.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)